Tag Archives: Steve Jobs

Apple Says It’s Time for a ‘Smart Wristwatch’

Posted on February 22, 2013 by michaelbalton

Cupertino, California — Top secret patent papers, leaked during a sequestered privacy spill, have revealed that Apple has chosen to design a ‘smart watch’  as the innovation that will save the company. Shaped in the form of chrome apple,  the … Continue reading →

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Pope Launches ‘Moses‘ — New Holy-Tasking Tablet for Catholics

Posted on June 27, 2012 by michaelbalton

Vatican City — Dressed more like Steve Jobs than St. Steven, Pope Benedict XVI introduced the Catholic Church’s answer to Apple’s iPad today, devoting his audience in St. Peter’s Square to the global launch of the Moses Multi-Task Tablet. “Anyone … Continue reading →

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Almost three months after his death, Steve Jobs continues to head Apple Inc., controlling the company from his special place in Hell through a combination of Wi-Fi, G4 and supernatural workarounds.   “I made a pact with the devil years ago,” the deceased executive explained. “I told him he could have my immortal soul if he killed off Flash. I have to say, Satan is a man of his word. I arrived here in October, and by November, Adobe was announcing its phaseout of that piece of garbage software.”

Posted on December 21, 2011 by michaelbalton

Steve Jobs Still Running Apple — From Hell

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Steve Jobs Still Running Apple — From Hell

Posted on December 21, 2011 by michaelbalton

Cupertino, California — Almost three months after his death, Steve Jobs continues to head Apple Inc., controlling the company from his special place in Hell through a combination of Wi-Fi, G4 and supernatural workarounds. “I made a pact with the … Continue reading →

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The Vatican — Microsoft may have gotten the miracle it needs to get back on top of the personal computer heap.  In a recently released encyclical, Pope Benedict XVI named the company’s latest version of Windows as “The Official Operating System of the Catholic Church.”   Titled “Patefacio Fenestra” or “Open the Windows,” the Pope’s pronouncement is thought to be the first time a major religion has mandated the use of a specific commercial product.    “We can all agree that the operating system is the soul of any computer,” Benedict told…

Posted on September 16, 2011 by michaelbalton

Pope Picks Windows 8 as the ‘Official Operating System of the Catholic Church’

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The Vatican – Microsoft may have gotten the miracle it needs to get back on top of the personal computer heap. In a recently released encyclical, Pope Benedict XVI named the company’s latest version of Windows as “The Official Operating System of the Catholic Church.”Titled “Patefacio Fenestra” or “Open the Windows,” the Pope’s pronouncement is thought to be the first time a major religion has mandated the use of a specific commercial product. “We can all agree that the operating system is the soul of any computer,” Benedict told …

Posted on September 15, 2011 by michaelbalton

Pope Picks Windows 8 as the ‘Official Operating System of the Catholic Church’

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