Monthly Archives: February 2013
Miracles of Pope Benedict Revealed
Vatican City — As he retires as the mystical leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict is being honored for the miracles he performed while pontiff. Among the amazing feats with which he is credited are these wonders: Converted the … Continue reading
NASCAR’s Fan Appreciation Scheme Backfires
Daytona, Florida — A rumored NASCAR plan to shower its loyal fans with free souvenirs ran into a glitch at the end of its Nationwide Series race here. The idea was to launch a “piñata car” into the home stretch … Continue reading
Apple Says It’s Time for a ‘Smart Wristwatch’
Cupertino, California — Top secret patent papers, leaked during a sequestered privacy spill, have revealed that Apple has chosen to design a ‘smart watch’ as the innovation that will save the company. Shaped in the form of chrome apple, the … Continue reading
Sequester’s Unintended Consequences Will Cause Chaos
Washington, DC — The upside of the government’s sequester initiative is a $1.2 trillion reduction in the deficit. The downside is that the blunt force action will produce many unanticipated cuts and changes that will adversely affect every American. A … Continue reading
Bada Boom: Mafia Put in Charge of U.S. Drones
Washington, DC — Under growing criticism for using remote-controlled aircraft to hunt down and kill suspected terrorists, the Defense Department has transferred its top-secret aerial assassination program to the Mafia. “Anybody got any complaints now?” demanded Giuseppe “Glue Gun” Tedesco, … Continue reading
Congress To Choose An American For Pope
Washington, DC – Calling the health-related retirement of Pope Benedict XVI “a tragic opportunity,” congressional leaders have declared that America will field a candidate in the upcoming election for the next pontiff. “It’s a free world, isn’t it?” demanded House … Continue reading
The Evening Snark 